Like - Savage Onion Headlines

The Onion is probably America’s best humor publication. They get the mood better and on a more consistent basis than anyone else. They’re able to do that because their humor often goes no further than a savage headline, which sometimes are so perfect that there isn’t a need to read on. When an Onion headline is working overtime it distills a problem so completely that it renders it immediately absurdly hilarious. At their absolute best, they also cut deeply against the profound insanity of everyday life. Here are a few of my favorites from over the years, “World Death Rate Holding Steady At 100 Percent,” “Dolphin Spends Amazing Vacation Swimming With Stockbroker,” “Study: Depression Hits Losers Hardest,” “Deformed Freak Born Without Penis,” “Family Trying To Tune Out Hints Of Misogyny As Grandfather Lovingly Recalls Courting Grandmother,” “‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Happens,” “Failure To Get Into Private College To Be Most Financially Responsible Act Of 17-Year-Old’s Life,” and “Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex.” Most recently, there was struck by this one: “Ohio 5th Graders Annoyed That Friend Forced To Give Birth Only Talks About Baby Stuff Now.” It’s good and necessary to laugh at the world, if only it also changed things.