One of the worst urges in an abstract argument with someone you know is to use them as an example. For instance, perhaps you’re having a heated discussion about relationships and you get the sense that the person talking is 1) unqualified to give a serious comment on the matter or 2) is espousing a point of view that you know they do not abide by themselves. In either of those scenarios, it would be easy to score a point in the argument by pointing out the inconsistency of their argument with their actions. This is a mistake. To start, you’re not in debate club and there is no argument to be won.1 You’re just having a conversation with someone you know. Secondly, you may not know as much as you think you know. For all the rumors you might hear and all the actions you might observe, there are also likely deeper truths at play. Pointing out what might seem like an inconsistency can very well just bring egg upon your face. That’s no good. The last problem that this creates is that you then open yourself up as a target of conversation. In which case, you better be beyond reproach—though not too much because saints have their problems, too. The only way it works to use the person you’re talking to as an example is if they invite you to, either explicitly or implicitly. Even then, you’ll want to think about what you say.
It’s not lost on me that I often treat conversations like debates to be won. But don’t use me as an example here…
Just tell us what you did wrong. You’ll feel better.
Like: When people demonstrate an ability to practice introspection, and you’re a great example of it, David. Fight me.